EFT Online Couple Therapy and EFT Online Marriage Counseling
How online couple therapy works
EFT online couple therapy works very similarly to couple therapy in a traditional setting. The big advantage of online therapy is that you can have sessions in the convenience of your own home and in the setting where most of your daily relationship life actual takes place. When doing online couple therapy via Skype, Zoom or Facetime, we often prefer doing a mix of couple therapy session with both partners present and individual therapy sessions with each partner alone. This allows us to make optimal use of the online therapy setting.
What is important to make online couple therapy work?
There are a number of crucial tech requirements to make online couple therapy work smoothly. For one, it is essential that the couple have a reliable broadband internet connection. It is also important for them to a have programs like Skype, Facetime, Hangouts, WebEx, GoToMeeting, Whatsapp or preferably Zoom installed on their computers. The couple also needs to make sure that the camera captures both of their faces while the microphone captures both of their voices (also in moments when they turn their heads towards and talk to each other). This might require some experimenting with your computer’s microphone and camera settings. It might also require buying and installing an external microphone. There are three possible set-ups for online couple therapy sessions.
1. Both partners sit rather close together and close to the screen so the camera captures both of their faces. 2. Partners install an external microphone and sit further away from the camera (while the microphone is moved in closely to where they are sitting, so it captures their voices well). 3. Partners sit next two each other (or across from each other) on two different laptops and we connect online on Skype, Facetime or Zoom via a conference or group call.
Why we offer online therapy
We offer EFT online couple therapy because we want to make high quality and effective couple therapy available to couples who are not able to see an expert therapist locally. Beyond that the therapists at online couple therapy are also appointed trainers of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy which requires them to travel a lot in order to teach the art and science of EFT couple therapy to other therapist. Life on the road can be readily combined with online therapy.
When online therapy does not work
Online couple therapy does not work when the technological requirements are not met. For example: The couple’s internet connection is not fast or reliable enough (the bandwidth is too low or fluctuates too much so there are gaps in connectivity). Or the couple’s setting does not allow the therapist to clearly see the couple’s faces or to hear their voices clearly. As therapists we rely on seeing our clients faces well, in order to be able to tune in with what they are feeling. This is because our faces often communicate more about what we are feeling than our words and voices do.
Online couple therapy also does not work in situations when couple therapy in a traditional setting would also fail. These cases include the following situations:
At least one partner is not willing to look at how they are contributing to their problems themselves but remains focused on blaming their partner.
At least one partner is not or is no longer interested in getting emotionally close to their partner again.
At least one partner is not willing to explore their inner world and to allow themselves to feel and share vulnerable emotions like sadness, fear, joy, tenderness, relaxation and love.
Past negative interactions and hurts have been so numerous or intense that one or both partners have an inner image of their partner that is so negative and so powerful that it can no longer be changed. This is the case when every change effort of one partner gets discounted by the other partner and any glimmer of hope gets quickly extinguished by negative expectations based on past negative experiences with one’s partner. In this case negative patterns of self-protective responses have become so powerfully engrained that they are now impervious to change efforts.
In all of these causes the door to change is closed because one of the basic prerequisites for couple therapy to succeed is not met.
When couple therapy works and when it does not work is a rather complex matter. Please send us an email if you would like to know more about this, and our team of EFT online couple therapy will be happy to send you more information.
Getting started with EFT online therapy via Zoom, Facetime or Skype
1. Send out and read therapy agreement and fill in questionnaire
When you contact us, we will send you a therapy agreement that informs you over practical aspects and the frame of couple therapy with us, as well as a questionnaire that will help us gain a first impression over your relationship situation and how we can best help you.
2. Brief feedback on questionnaire and scheduling of first session
After we receive your filled-in questionnaires, we will let you know if the basic requirements for are met for successful online couple therapy geared towards building a happy relationship.
3. 4 therapy sessions followed by a feedback session
Then we will meet for 2 online couple therapy sessions via Skype, Facetime or Zoom and two individual therapy sessions (one for each partner). The third couple therapy session is a feedback session in which your online couple therapist will discuss with you what you will both need to work on in order to save your marriage and/or build a happy relationship.
4. Decision to keep working towards goals
If both partners can and want to commit to doing this work, then we will do up to 7 further couple therapy session.
5. Evaluation of progress
After a total of 10 couple therapy sessions, we will evaluate your progress. 10 sessions is sort of a magic number. If there has been clear progress after 10 sessions, then therapy is working and it makes sense to continue online couple therapy. If there has been no or too little progress, then it makes most sense to terminate online couple therapy – because experience as shown that if 10 sessions do not make a clear difference, then 20 or 30 sessions usually do not help much either. It deserves mentioning here that about 50 % of all couples that we see in online couple therapy do not need more than 10 sessions. The goal of online couple therapy is always to help couples make a big step forward and to help them acquire the needed skills, knowledge and tools that will allow them to keep working on improving their relationship beyond the online therapy sessions without the help of a couple therapist.
How many session does EFT online couple therapy require?
Therapy takes as much time as it needs in order to sufficiently remove the main blocks to emotional connection. How long this takes depends on the complexity of these blocks and on how long these blocks have been in place. About 50 % of all couples need 10 sessions or less. About 30 % of all couples we see need about 20 sessions. About 10 % of couples need more than 20 and up to 50 sessions. In about 10 % of the cases it becomes evident in the course of the first 10-20 sessions that important blocks to emotional connection cannot be removed or compensated for and the couple decides to separate from a place of increased mutual understanding. A number couples like to have “booster sessions” throughout their relationship after the main part of therapy is successfully completed. That is, they keep having between 4 and 12 sessions per year in order to make sure they do not lose their way again and remain on a good path towards ever-growing connection and love.